31 March 2008

Damn You Jessi...

For making me curious.

If I were President, I'd be Baberaham Lincoln.

28 March 2008

I Hate Forwards!

I got the following email from someone at work today. It seems like the type of email that you would get if you were 14 and would forward to the boy you liked in a moment of insanity, and then check your email 1000 times a day in hope that he would've responded. But this was sent to me by a 40 year old Latin woman. Awesome. I couldn't respond seriously to these questions. But I'm not sure if she thought it was funny or not. She might have taken offense at my attempt at humoring her. She never responded.

You're on my friends list. I'd like to know things about you. You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends. Fill in the answers & forward to all of your friends, including me. Have fun!

1. Do you have a tattoo? Yes. It's of Olando Bloom-naked!

2. How old are you? Mentally or physically? These questions need to be more specific. I have the mental competence and wisdom of a 48 year old, but look like I'm 21.

3. Are you single or taken? That depends on Mark Walberg. If he will leave his girlfriend and finally be mine, I'm taken. All other men are way beneath me.

4. Eat with your hands or utensils? Hands. For sure. I like to pretend that I live in the dark ages.

5. Do you dream at night? A man that specializes in skin diseases has a dream that he falls asleep in front of the TV. He then wakes up in fron of the TV, but no longer remembers his dream. That's what I dream about.

6. Ever seen a corpse? Uhm...I've eaten a corpse!

7. George Strait or Jay Z? I'd rather eat sheep testicles than choose.

8. How did we meet? At the strip bar. You are an amazing dancer. Wait...I might be confusing you with someone else. Did we meet on MySpace?


9. Whats your philosophy on life & death? If you don't die today, there's always tomorrow.

10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be? Is this supposed to be scandalous? If so, I'd have to say that I would want to rob a bank at gunpoint and then go home and have a pillow fight that evolves into a tickle fight.

11. Do you trust the police? No. I have this bad habit of believing that everything that happens in the movies is reality and every organization is corrupt.

12. Do you have a crush on me? Ohhh yeeeaaah! I thought you'd never ask!

13. What is your fondest memory of me? That time we met the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in that sewer and Donatello gave us bow staff lessons. Yeah, that was awesome.

14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? It's pretty tough being completely irresistable all the time. Sometimes I wish I were just a little less gorgeous and charming.

15. Would you cheat? At Battleship? Sure! Who doesn't?

16. What do you wear to sleep? A Scooby-Doo costume.

17. Have you ever peed in a pool? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?

18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? Not if I'm too busy hiding my own evidence.

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? Probably sit around my house for a while and watch Sports Center. Maybe get a bite to eat at Wendy's...

20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair? On men? Medium. I like it when a guy goes too long between haircuts and it starts getting long in the back, kinda growing into the beginnings of a mullet or a tail. You know...like Ben's hair right before he gets it cut.

21. Do you sing in the shower? Only Celine Dion songs.

22. What's your favorite color? A cross between pee-yellow and puke-green.

23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, it would be? Sadam Hussein. Just so I could be the one to kick his ass and send him back to his grave.

24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you. I like eating asparagus for the sole reason of the way your pee smells the day after.

25. What was your first impression of me? You shook my hand with gloves on. I was a little grossed out because I didn't know what those gloves were previously touching. I was like..."Who does that!?" Just kidding Hilda! I've always adored you. Especially because you're Latin!

26. Have you ever done drugs? Yeah...I used to lick toads and get high on the toxin that they supposedly secreted as a protection mechanism. It was a total trip.

27 March 2008

In Case You Needed a Good Laugh...

From what I gather with my limited Japanese language knowledge, you have to get the tongue twister right or else you pay the consequence. The guy in the red is hilarious!

26 March 2008

Forget Waterboarding. The CIA Should Try A Headband

I don't mean to toot my own horn or anything, but it has to be said that I looked adorable today. I wore black square neck top with a girly-but-not-gradeschool bow on the side, red shoes, and a white plastic retro headband. Why is it that we women, over time, seem to forget the pain that a certain fashion item can inflict? I have an awesome pair of plum colored peep-toe heels that make me wince with every step. Yet, every three months or so, I think that I must've exaggerated the pain that I felt the last time I wore them and wear them once again. And my feet pay for it. That pain is real and I'm reminded of the intensity of it everytime the glorious Italian masterpiece touches the ground. Same story with this headband. My bangs were not working for me this morning. They were sticking straight up because of some cursed cowlicks that I wage war against everytime I do my hair. Today I waved the white flag in defeat and put on the headband. It couldn't be that bad, I told myself. Eight year old girls all over the world wear them on a daily basis. Are they tougher than me? No sir! I can do this! All in the name of fashion! By 10:00 am, I was cursing that stupid accessory. The only thing on my mind was how much pain that rediculous piece of plastic was inflicting on my poor cranium. Sometimes the pulsing pain kept beat with the song that was playing on the radio. Why didn't I take off the headband you ask? You can't recover gracefully after 2 hours of headband wearing when you have bangs as short as mine. It was pinching my brains out. It was pushing all intelligent thought out of my skull. It was pure torture! And I'll never wear one again! Well, at least not for another couple of months.

25 March 2008

Adventure Cooking Tuesdays

I've implemented a new feature in my life. It's called Adventure Cooking Tuesday. Why Tuesday you ask? Because if all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Halloween and Thanksgiving would fall on the same day.* Would you agree? It now is going to be the day where I pick something that I never have before made and cross my fingers that it is delicious because that's what I'm going to be eating for the next three days or so. That's the life of a single, roommate-less cook. Endless leftovers!
Todays adventure was Pasta with Chicken, Sundried Tomatoes, Gorgonzola and Pine Nuts, taken from the October 2007 Bon Appetite magazine. Yeah, it was good. And yeah, no matter how good it may be, by the third day it tastes a bit less delicious than I remember on the first day. May be willing to have Adventure Cooking Tuesday guests to help eat the adventurous dish in exchange for...hmmm...maybe a giant cupcake?
This is an easy recipe. And yes Natalie, even you can do it.

1/ 2cup chopped drained oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes (2 tablespoons oil reserved)
2 skinless boneless chicken breast halves (about 9 ounces total)
1 pound medium shell pasta
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
1/2 cup canned low-salt chicken broth
1/2 cup crumbled Gorgonzola cheese (about 2 ounces)
1/4 cup chopped prosciutto
1/4 cup pine nuts, toasted

Heat 1 tablespoon oil reserved from tomatoes in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken to skillet and sauté until cooked through, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer chicken to plate and cool; do not clean skillet. Cut chicken into 1/2-inch pieces.
Cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain pasta; transfer to large bowl.
Meanwhile, heat remaining 1 tablespoon tomato oil in same skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic; sauté until tender, about 1 minute. Add sun-dried tomatoes, chicken, basil, broth, cheese and prosciutto to skillet and bring to boil.
Add sauce to pasta and toss to coat. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Top with pine nuts and serve.

Cook's note: Cooking seems to be a touch more delightful when wearing a sassy apron. Check out my favorites here. Expensive? Sure! But what the hell.

And while I'm adding life features, I think I'm going to do a "swear word in every blog entry" addition. Whaddya think? Oh yeah? Damn you.

* I owe you a high-five and maybe a bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs next Easter when they are back in the stores if you got that reference.

Hey Kyle,

Welcome to my blog! It might not be as entertaining as my attempts at grappling with you, but hey, I can try.
Here's the website about the submission only grappling tournament. I think I'm going to go and check out what my competition is and then decide. I haven't heard of anyone else entering from Absolute. Tragic. That Sub-4-Santa one was awesome. Let me know if you enter. See you tomorrow!
Grappling Tournament

24 March 2008

Just Checking In

Do you guys like my semi-redone blog page? I was looking for a picture of a scientist or a microscope or a lab, but came across King Leonidas instead. I had to add it. Have you ever imagined yourself being a ripped warrior, trained since infancy for battle, courageous, strong, feared and respected by all? Me neither. Just asking.

I can't stand being indoors on days like today. My lab has a huge window overlooking all the activities outside. There's a fence that borders the west side of the parking lot and I see kids walking on top of the dirt mounds on the other side of the fence and I just want to run over there and play. Some construction is going on on the south side and there's a huge backhoe excavator that I long to operate. I'm this close (like a millimeter) to going over there and asking for a operating lesson. How could they say no to me?! I'm so damn adorable.

I've started eating my lunch outside again. It's a nice escape from the confines of the lab. We can't even crack a window in there because of particulates, contamination and organics. Sometimes it feels so stale in my workspace. I think the place is aching for a breath of fresh air. Back to the lunch thing. I enjoy going out to the picnic tables and reading a book. Sometimes my lunches are a bit long because I can't bring myself to get back inside. It's a real internal struggle. I won't give you the full dialogue of the struggle, but in the end the responsible part of me tells my irresponsible self to get up or get kicked in the chucks. Because my irresponsible counterpart is male, of course. Actually, I just wanted to include chuck kicking in my blog today. It never gets old. For me, at least.

Does punk music remind you of summer? It does for me. I even put some on at times and imagine that it's super warm outside and start actually believing it, and then go outside without a jacket and freeze my chucks off--if I had them. It's crazy how music can recall so many memories. In the summer of 2004 I lived with Sarah Vanderhoef up in Ogden. We spend a ton of time with Blake, Kevin, Crook, Juan and Joe. Hiking, tubing down the Weber river, swimming, BBQing, playing pool, trying to trap a hawk, camping, longboarding, playing Mike Tyson's Punchout and every other fun thing. We always rode in Blake's Subaru and I swear the only thing in his CD player the entire summer was Simple Plan: No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls. That CD will always represent a super fun summer to me now. Just like Ridin' Dirty will always remind me of Lake Powell with Natalie. That and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. How could I forget waking up to that during that glorious week? I look handsome. I look smart. I am a walking work of art! Oh, OH! AND, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy! I can't overlook that gem of a song. I'm drowning in nostalgia.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get the lean ground beef that's on sale at Macey's on this very day. Blech. But I will allow you to get their cinnamon raisin bagels. Sublime. I'm salivating just thinking about them.

23 March 2008

Oh Mother

My mom and I talk quite a bit about my dating life and she has become such an advocate about me finding a good man real soon. Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a Jane Austen novel and have that over-bearing mother whose single concern is marrying off her daughters. Which if we were in a Jane Austen novel, we wouldn't have to worry because there are plenty of male heirs to keep the family estate and take care of any unwed daughters. My case being the only daughter and only unwed child. Her worries in the grand scheme of things are quite minuscule. So she should just calm down. But I can see how my happiness directly affects her. Or unhappiness for that matter. I remember her excitement back when I was going to get married and how when I broke things off, it devastated her because she knew how heartbroken I was. So now she thinks it is up to her to make sure that I stay on my toes about this whole finding a husband thing. And she makes it clear that it's about finding a husband and not one of those immature boyfriends. She sent me an Easter card with some money in it for the purpose of going online and registering on a LDS dating service. She's the one paying for it because I told her that I wasn't going to throw money at something that I didn't think I needed. So if she wants to throw her money at it, that's fine with me. She appreciates the fact that I've been dating, but thinks that online dating would put me in the light of men who do share similar interests and have comparable social skills. Hah! How specific do I have to get on one of those sites? I mean, if there really is a man who loves good rock n' roll, fighting, hockey, baseball, video games, reading, dark comedies, traveling, Thai food, thrives in social gatherings, is secretly impressed with how loud his burps can be, can speak another language and doesn't like house pets, would I really be able to find him online? If so, sign me up.

22 March 2008

Warning: May Contain Spoilers

This is starting out to be a really strange day. I woke up at the crack of ten o'clock when I usually can't sleep past 7. I'm usually winding up my workouts by now and I haven't even hit the gym yet. (It's noon now). I'm not hungry when the norm is when I wake up I'm starving! No really, stomach growling uncontrollably. Aches and pains in the abdominal region from 10 hours without food. But I didn't experience any discomfort this morning. Also, I'm typing this blog and listening to country music. Like, I actually was turning the station dial on the radio and stopped on a country station. What the...? This is creeping me out. I can't help but think that this may have something to do with watching Disturbia with Shanna and Katie last night. The conversation turned to good kissing scenes in movies (the ultimate winner was the kissing in Last of the Mohicans) and it was said that Shia Lebeouf really owned it in Disturbia. And since I've never seen it, Shanna decides to put give me a little taste of what I was missing. Let me preface by telling you that I HATE horror films. I cannot handle murder and psycho situations taking place in modern times. I get ultra scared. Which is funny because I love war movies and movies such as Troy and 300. That violence doesn't bother me at all. But when it comes to something that could potentially take place in my neighborhood and things that involve scary supernatural beings, I get the s--- scared out of me. I can't even watch the trailers in the movie theaters. My heart starts beating super fast and I freak out. Well, we start watching the movie and it's pretty uneventful and not very scary. And then it gets really scary, really fast. So then the good kissing scene comes on and right then, at the neighbors house, you hear a chainsaw and blood is sloshed all over the window. Whaaat...! Ok, that will ruin all good kissing for me. Who can seriously appreciate good kissing when the such a thing as that is so vivid on your TV screen? This look of distress came on my face and Katie and Shanna started giggling and apologizing for the fact that they forgot about that part. The rest of the movie watching experience went by with Shanna fast forwarding through the remainder of the show and explaining the fly-by images popping up on the screen. So I got the gist of chopped up bodies and decaying corpses. Disturbing? Yes. Am I thinking how anyone could possibly find this entertaining? Yes. Will those images haunt my dreams forever? Uhm...yes. So now I'm questioning all these strange things that are happening to me. There's some supernatural force inhabiting my home now. Ahhh! I'm totally freaking myself out now. Heart rate increasing.