The Genius of Billy Collins

Lately I've been enjoying a good daily dose of poetry. Most recently I've been indulging in Walt Whitman and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I also read some great modern poetry. Billy Collins has quickly become one of my all time favorites. Going to a live reading featuring this man will now be added to my list of things I must do in my lifetime. Check out this poem:

Forgetfulness

The name of the author is the first to go
followed obediently by the title, the plot,
the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
which suddenly becomes one you have never read,
never even heard of,

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,
not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,
well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted out
of a love poem that you used to know by heart.

Appreciating A Good Hockey Fight

I went to a Grizzlies hockey game Saturday night. There is nothing like sharp blades scraping the ice and muscular, sweaty bodies hurling into each other at top speeds. I can't get enough of it. Quite a few fights broke out during the game. There were three major multiple person fights with helmets being ripped off and blood spilling. And there were about 10 less-significant, forceful shoving fights, with many a dirty word being said. I didn't actually get to hear the profanity, but the Jumbotron overhead made for some good lip-reading. The Jumbotron also displayed some of my booty shaking skills while we were doing the Hokey Pokey. I really shook it all around, if ya know what I mean. 'Cause that's what it's all about! Later, while I was walking out of the arena, someone from work saw me and told me that they liked my little dance. That's not embarrassing at all.
Remember those ESPN commercials where someone would innocently be standing on the street gazing into a store window and suddenly a hockey player in full gear would come up and bodycheck them into the glass? Yeah, that was cool.
Sometimes I wish that bodychecking or throwing off the gloves were more socially acceptable. I mean, we could have a rule that someone would deserve a bodycheck for when they do something really dumb, such as taking up two parking spots in the over-crowded work parking lot for their huge diesel truck that they don't use to actually haul anything. Or when someone is in the left turn lane and before actually making the turn they swing really far to the right and into your lane, forcing you into the lane next to you, which makes the others to your right angry and thinking that you're the stupid driver. Or for snowplowers that create an incredibly high snowbank behind your car that you have to spend 20 minutes clawing at with your flimsy driving gloves because there is no shovel at hand. Or for those people that pick the locker directly next to yours in the gym when the entire locker room is empty, making it extremely awkward as you try to change into your sports bra. We could start with those circumstances and work our way out from there.

I Should've Been More Careful

You know those emails that have been forwarded 300 times and promise to curse you and your children if you don't send them to 8 of your closest friends within the next 10 minutes? Well, I think I've deleted one too many of those. A hex is upon me. I feel it. One person shouldn't have to endure such a long string of bad days like I have.

I'll Take A Punch to the Head, Please.

So everyone has been freaking out about my black eye. It doesn't hurt one bit. I can't even tell you exactly how it happened, except that I got it sometime last Friday night at Absolute. What people don't realize is that I get injured more from everyday stuff than I do training in martial arts. For instance, I was cooking dinner on Saturday night and sliced the top of my thumb off whilst cutting an onion. I cut right through the fingernail. I was trying to stop the bleeding for almost an hour. I would rather take a shot to the face than go through that pain again.
Another example is moving the furniture around in my bedroom. I just have a cheap metal bed frame and when shifted gently, it will fall apart. And it did. Right on my foot. Mercy.
Also, I went ice skating tonight with the youth in my ward for our Wednesday night activity. I'm a pretty confident ice skater. But you put me in rental skates on a rink with 200 other kids all between the ages of 12 and 17 and I really, really suck. There were so many kids on the ice not paying attention to where they were going. They were grabbing on to me whenever they lost their balance, pulling me right down with them. Some punk kid plowed into the back of me at a fairly high speed which caused a serious faceplant. My butt and knees are throbbing.
After all that, a bony elbow to the head doesn't sound too bad.

My Dad is Cooler Than Your Dad!

My dad never gives Christmas presents to us kids. He lets mom do all the thoughtful stuff like that. This year was different. He might be softening in his latter years. I received this Christmas card:
You can't top that advice. This is the best Christmas card I've ever received. And i love how he writes in all capitol letters. It's always been like that. For the record, I can't remember one time in my life when he has actually called me Vanessa. It's always been Vaness. He will not say the A at the end of my name. The only time has been when he has given me a blessing or something where a full name is required. It's amazingly endearing to me now.
For my present, he got an old cardboard box and put a week supply of Snap-On Tools socks and a Snap-On Tools beach towel in there. No wrapping paper over the box. I love those socks! I think I blogged about those socks once before. I mean these socks are definitely noteworthy. What a thoughtful man. Who would've thought?!

What's Better Than This?!

Friday night I was rolling with Camrann. I was getting all frustrated because I couldn't do anything to him. Everything I tried wasn't getting me anywhere. Not like that's abnormal or anything. So he had me put on some gloves and let me strike as well as grapple. It's so different from just doing jujitsu or thai boxing. It's so much harder. And I wasn't even getting hit back. Maybe some open handed shots to the face because my defense wasn't up, but that's all. I had the greatest time. Kyle then let me have a try on him. My mom needs a picture of me for the family Christmas card. We thought one of these might do.

In Kyle's guard. I learned a new guard pass last week that I wanted to try, but I think he saw it coming. These guys always do.

The Omo plata submission. Don't get yourself in this position. It KILLS. Trust me.

This is a most advantageous position to be in. Somehow I did something right.
Kyle getting the sweep. Argh.

I spend alot of time on the bottom.

I should have Kyle in my guard. What was I doing just lying there like that?

I get swept much more than is acceptable. Wait, it's never acceptable! I've got to work on that.

Finishing the fight. Just kidding. We totally posed for this one.

I went to the UCE Sub For Santa Grappling Tournament on Saturday morning just to watch. I was thinking about entering. I'm glad that I didn't. I would've got my arms ripped off in 0.7 seconds. Some guys from Absolute were entered. They did a great job. The fianal two in the absolute division were guys train at Absolute with each other, Cort and Steve. Cort won with points in the end. I had a great time watching. These guys are very talented. I want to be like that someday. More mat time for me!

The Grass Is Never Greener!

I made a mistake. A huge mistake. Now I'm stuck. So, as most of you know, I've been wanting out of the testing that I've been doing for the past year. Well, two and a half weeks ago I got my wish. Now I'm miserable. All I want now is to get back on the original test. Let me back up a little. I was supposed switch tasks within the same section, Aerobiology. Once I started training on that test which was bacterial filtration efficiency, I realized that it wasn't really what I wanted to do. I then went back to The Boss and asked if I could stay on the original test. We talked about it and it was concluded that it probably shouldn't happen. He didn't think that I would be happy and the same issues would most likely arise again. We also talked about how it's hard to be friends and have a boss/subordinate relationship. It sounded right at the time. I was informed the Microbiology section would like me to be there on the microbial limits test. I made an emotionally charged decision to switch to that section and do that test. I just felt that something needed to change. Now it feels like I've been punched in the stomach 800 times. When I reported to the Microbiology section on the first day, they informed me that I would be doing water membrane filtration and environmental tests instead of the microbial limits test. That wasn't what I was expecting. I do understand that the section has needs, and because someone else quit they had unexpected positions that had to be filled. But I'm not that girl. I don't think that I would've made the decision to move sections if I knew that my job consisted of counting bacterial and fungal colonies on petri dishes and pouring water samples through a funnel. I did voice my opinion to my supervisor and she understood. She's having me cross-train on microbial limits. I've been doing that for the past two days and like it much better. I guess that I just feel so needed in Aerobiology and I want that feeling of being needed and valuable back. Things are very stressful over there at the moment. The demands for testing has gone up and no one is getting the help that they need. This isn't just on the test that I was previously on. It's the whole section. But I really think my old test NEEDS me. They don't just need another person to help out, they need me and my experience. If I could do it over, I would do so many things differently. I know that I could've been happy there if I would've just changed my attitude. It was a good job. Now I made a mess of things.
I've had so many realizations since I've left my old section. I miss being horribly busy. I like working hard. I like having alot to do. Now I'm a clock watcher. I miss working for Ben. He really inspired me to work. He had high expectations of me. Even though I was frustrated with him at times, he really was an exceptional boss. He worked hard which set a good example for me. I guess that I didn't always feel appreciated, but now I realize that I just didn't recognize the ways the ways that he was showing his appreciation. And I hate that we agreed that I shouldn't get back on the 1671 test to somewhat preserve our friendship, and it doesn't even seem like we're friends anymore. I know that he's unbelievable busy, but I hate never seeing him. I'll run into him in the hall or in the parking lot, and we'll chit-chat, but that's all. I left a voicemail on his office phone once inviting him out to lunch, but he never called back. I hope I didn't ruin our friendship with my bad attitude. It would really hurt if he didn't want to be my friend. I look up to him and respect him. He's alot of what I want to be and am not. I think that I just need to wait for things to hopefully mellow out and then see how he wants things to be.

I miss my old section. Everyone was friends. Everyone looked for ways to help each other out. We didn't talk behind each others backs. Not to say that this new section isn't helpful and friendly, but it just is a different feeling. Not as comfortable. I really am trying to have a good attitude and give it some time. It's quite an adjustment going from something that you were highly proficient in, to training in something that seems very menial. I am looking for other jobs though. I'm not even sure that I want to work in the science industry anymore. Which frustrates me, because for the longest time I just wanted to be a scientist. I really hope to find a good fit for me somewhere. It would be nice if it were in the company, but if not, I'm prepared to take charge and find something that does fit. I've been looking at alot of jobs back home in MA, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to leave Utah. I've kind of made it my home. And they don't have Crown Burger in MA.

The Product of Massive Boredom

Here's some random thoughts that have gone through my head today. In no particular order.

• I had some amazing sweet potatoes at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and have tried to re-create it a few times since. I have failed every time. So now I feel like I need to write to Bon Appetite magazine, again, to either have them call the restaurant to get the recipe, or implore them to publish a similar one in their magazine. Not that any of my letters ever gets published, but at least I did something in the direction of getting what I want. It just makes me feel better.
• I wish everything was settled by playing bloody-knuckles. It's such an effective deciding factor. When I'm married, I want decisions made by whoever wins a bloody-knuckle showdown.
• Do lightsabers cauterize the wound as it slices through? Is that why there isn't alot of blood amidst all that killing?
• I get the biggest kick out of the various names there are out there for testicles. If you heard any creative names for them, could you please pass them along? It really brightens my day.
• Orange is by far the superior flavor in any artificial fruit product. Including, but not limited to, Gatorade, Popsicles, Otter Pops, gummi bears, Skittles, sherbet, etc...
• My dad is a real treat. Probably the best guy alive. See Exhibit A below. Now that it's the holiday season, he decorates his Snap-On Tools truck, puts on a Santa Hat and calls himself Santa Chrome. I can smile for days just thinking about it.
  

• I've observed that most people have one very efficient sneeze. I sneeze at least five times to get the same job done. I'm a bit jealous of you one sneeze sneezers.
• I HATE talking animal movies. I can tolerate the ones where you just hear their internal thoughts, but if you try to get me to watch one where the animals actually move their mouths to the words, I will punch you. And it's even worse when humans can actually understand the animals. It's not okay.
• Snap-On socks are the most comfortable socks in the world. Not the kind that actually snap onto your feet (if there is such a kind), but the one distributed by The Snap-On Tools company. The toes are highly reinforced, and there is extra cushion on the soles that really make a significant difference in the comfort factor. Hit your local Snap-On dealer up for a pair. It'll be worth it.
• I've been overwhelmed by the display of kindness that some have shown me during this period of awful illness. My brother and his wife, Stefan and Ashley, have taken me food on more than one occasion. They have also supplied me with books and movies, and a daily check-up call. Tasha, my wonderfully caring co-worker, has called or textd me most days, brought movies over, and enlisted her dad and brother to come to my house and give me a blessing. She also came over to just chill and share some frustrations/embarrassing moments about The Boss. It was refreshingly nice to know that I'm not the only one that sometimes wants to strangle him.
• I've discovered a surprisingly tasteful new show on ABC. It's called Pushing Daisies. Watch it. A friend of mine told me about it and said that he thought that it would be something that would tickle my fancy. He was right. I found it online during my never ending days in quarantine this past week.
• I haven't worn make-up or done my hair the past week. It's kind of nice being fresh-faced and natural. And I don't think that I look half-bad. Nice.
• I wonder sometimes what I come across like to other people.
• My shower never seems clean to me. No matter how hard I scrub, there is always that moldy stuff there in the tiles. Aack! It's like showering in a petri dish.
• I think my brothers are so handsome. I dare you to disagree with me. It's hard not to feel like an ugly duckling among such stunning specimens.

Mark

Niklas

Stefan

• I'm having a hard time with this sickness. I'm so bored. I hate being so limited in what I can do. I hate that I haven't trained this whole week. I hate that I haven't worked. I hate that I've barely been out of the house. Someone come rescue me!!

I'm Sick. Miserably Sick. ARGH.

Hey. So...I've been sick for the last 5, maybe 6, days. I'm officially going to die. Ok, so that's a little dramatic, but I have to let you know that I'm pretty miserable. I've been holed up in my house since Friday night. I went to an hour of Jiu-jitsu on Saturday morning and did a half day at work on Monday. Other than that, I've just been right here in my living room.
So you're probably wondering what I have been doing. Well, wonder no more. Here is a list of highly important activities that I have accomplished in the last 5 days.

1. I've planned breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next three weeks (starting as soon as I get my appetite back).
2. I've read 4 books. A Thousand Splendid Suns was written by the same author as The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini. It was just as wonderful. I re-read The Great Escape by Paul Brickhill. I now want to re-watch the movie, which stars the original McDreamy, Steve McQueen. The Summer of '49 is written by David Halberstam, one of my favorite documentary writers, right beside John Krakauer. A Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks. One thing that I've learned from these books is that there is so much beauty in tragedy.
3. I watched Star Wars Episodes IV, V, VI, and III. I'll probably work on I, and II after I finish this blog. Also watched Meet the Robinson's, Shooter, Little Miss Sunshine, and Goonies.
4. Put new strings on my guitar.
5. Organized my pantry.
6. Emptied my entire Inbox on Hotmail, and responded to every email that deserved a response.
7. Searched the library catalog online and put every mixed martial arts book on hold.
8. Started pondering some New Years resolutions for 2008.
9. Did 4 loads of laundry.
10. Applied some self-tanner to my legs. I did a C- job, by the way.
11. Budgeted through December.
12. Challenged myself to Boggle. I tried to beat my previous score every round.
13. Picked out Christmas gifts for everyone on my list and ordered them online.
14. Drank 2 liters of Ginger Ale and ate a jar of applesauce. Oh, and half a can of soup.
15. Went to the InstaCare and shelled out $35 for the doctor to tell me that it was a virus and to just wait it out. Aarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Yep. This Blog Is Restricted to Those Over Thirteen

Due to words such as punch, hurt, death, and crappy. Interesting.
What's your blog rated?

Editorial

There was a comment on the previous post that I thought I should go into detail about. And I know that more than one person needs to read it.

The comment:
I definitely DO have words! DISAPPROVE. Not okay. Dangerous. Worrisome. Unsafe. Vanessa, I hate it. I know I'm not your mom, but this is no kickboxing class at the gym. Those ladies don't choke each other unconscious, at least not that I've seen. I know you love love LOVE it at Absolute, and so I hesitate to criticize... but I don't think it is cool or cute or tough or FUNNY by any means. Not one bit. I also do not think it impressive to be choked unconscious. Just the opposite, in fact. I apologize for my honesty, I know it will be unwelcome in this case. I just love you too much. I hate to hear about this kind of abuse. I thought you said you were only training, not fighting. Have you changed your mind?Sorry to respond so emotionally, but I find myself feeling very protective of you.

The response:
While I appreciate your concern Natalie, I do feel like you're getting the wrong idea about all this. If you're worried about my safety, you shouldn't be. We aren't there to be brutal or abuse each other. We are there to learn self-defense. Wouldn't you rather I know how to get out of one of those chokes in a controlled environment, than in a situation where someone is there to seriously hurt or kill me? I refuse to be a statistic. I think everyone needs to learn self-defense. You're right, this isn't an aerobic kickboxing class at the gym. And I'm glad. I'm learning very valuable things. Things that will benefit me and my family in the future. I may not have the skills right now to defend myself if needed, but I will. And that's why I'm going to stick with it.
The experience was awesome for the fact that I now know my limits. I can judge a bit better when I need to tap out. No harm was done. The choke was released as soon as I blacked out. We wouldn't be practicing this if we were to inflict brain damage or long term injury on each other. Of course it's better to tap than to be choked out, but sometimes it happens. I know that on that post it felt as if I were laughing a bit about it. And I'm sorry. I could see how that short entry would worry someone. But it really was a laughing matter. No harm was done at all.
Many of these fighters aren't there to just fight in the cage. They're doing it because it's challenging and requires a certain amount of discipline. They want to know how to defend themselves. They want to be fit and strong and healthy. This is definitely a sport that achieves that. They fight in the cage to see how much they've learned and to see how they can apply it in a controlled environment. With a referee. And they hug afterwards.
Once again, I want to tell you and anyone else reading this, that mixed martial arts is a seriously misunderstood sport. Those of you that know me know that I am a very logical girl. I'm not an idiot. I wouldn't be involved in something that was brutal or macho or anything like that. This is a legitimate sport. With value. I hope that I've been able to shed a little light on the subject with this response. If anyone else has questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I don't know how to answer it I can ask an instructor at the gym.
And yes, I am leaning toward actually fighting.
So are we cool now about the whole thing?

I'm Feeling Sleepy

I was choked unconscious today. Collar choke. I didn't want to tap because I was so close to getting my shoulders out from their guard. So close! Didn't get it on time. Next thing I know I was on my stomach with people standing over me laughing and asking me if I was alright. Awesome.

Updated

Last week was the crappiest week of all time. Every bad thing came at me all at once. It's getting better now. Just working through things one at a time. Earlier in the week I felt really beaten down. But things are looking up. So I just want to focus on some good things that happened.

I had dinner with two of my co-workers, Tasha and Courtney, last Monday night. Courtney brought her husband Greg, so we could check him out and see if he was good enough for her or not. Turns out that he's pretty awesome. Courtney bartends at Joe's Crab Shack two nights a week to bring in a little extra money. She gets a sizable discount when she comes in as a patron. It was a sweet deal. I ate an entire bucket of crab legs! Yeah, an entire bucket. Soooo good, but sooooo incredible painful later that night. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I really love working with Courtney and Tasha. They both are relatively new in our section. They are doing an amazing job. Their hard work is taking a significant load off of my shoulders. I'm almost starting to not mind going into work again. Almost. I didn't think that anyone could be as awesome as Scott Lukens was, but they're proving that wrong. They're both so enjoyable to work with. I really luck out in the co-worker department.

(left to right) Tasha, Me, our massive buckets of crab, Courtney, and Greg

I trained at Absolute almost everyday last week. It seems like that's the only place that I really want to be anymore. When I'm there I don't have to think about anything else. There are no problems at the gym. It's all about focusing on what you're doing right then and improving on it. I feel normal and less like an emotional wreck. I hit real hard when I'm mad. Scary hard.

On Friday night I went to the cage fights at the Deseret Peak Complex in Tooele. Three guys from Absolute were on the fight card. Five were supposed to fight, but Brad's opponent backed out, and Steve got a staph infection and couldn't get doctors clearance. Tragic. Our guys did real well. Dave won his fight by knockout. He got his opponent with a crazy kick to the head. He went two rounds. Shawn won his fight in the first round. I forget how he won it though. It was either by technical knockout or throwing in the towel. Our other guy (I forget his name because it's one of those confusing Polynesian names) lost in the first round. He fights in the Ultra Heavyweight division. The guy weighs 350 lbs. He did well while he was standing, but when he was taken down he was choked out.

This really is an exciting sport. This is the first time I've been back to the fights since I saw The Boss fight last August. I'm finally understanding what I'm watching. I can see what the fighters need to do. I'm recognizing what they're doing and what their fighting styles are. I'm loving this! It's not brutal. It's sport!

I have a roommate for 6 weeks. This is Victoria Rath.

We were friends a few years ago at Weber State while doing our undergrad work. She's been at graduate school in Florida the past couple of years. She's doing an internship at a physical therapy clinic in Sandy. It's been really fun to have her around. We don't see each other too often, but when we do we make the most of it.
So there you have it. A slight update on the Life and Times of Vanessa The Scientist.

It's Official

How do I look? Like a fighter? Yeah! Now I just need some skills. Camrann took these pictures Friday night. At the end of the night. After I'd been training for three hours. That explains why I look like road-kill. In case you were wondering.
I think this is something that I will really stick with. I seems that the trend in my life has been to do something until I get proficient, but never really great. I'm sort of a Jack of all trades. This is something that doesn't seem to get boring. I'm always learning different things. I'm constantly challenged in different ways. It's really keeping my attention. And that's hard to do. Not like that's a suprise to anyone. I'm just a restless person. I was experiencing an ultra restless point when I started doing martial arts. This seemed to settle that feeling down a bit. I think I'll be ok for a while.

When I Was A Discipline Problem...

I didn't mean to be disobedient or to have no respect for authority. My heart wasn't mean. I was just too playful for my own good. Like the time I stuffed the tiny rubber tires from Lego sets down my youngest brother's diaper, freaking my mom out because she thought her 10 month old was swallowing them. I knew that she went nuts when she found them in his poo, but I thought it was hilarious and kept it up for a long time. When I was sent to my room for bad behavior I would pretend that that's really where I wanted to be, which would frustrate my mom because she was trying to punish me. Then she's banish me to the bathroom where she was sure I wouldn't have any fun. There I would decorate with toothpaste or wallpaper the walls with toilet paper. I thought it was so funny. She tried to think of the most creative ways to discipline me, but I always found a way around it. She thought she could win in the end. She cursed me with ten daughters just like me. But even then I found a way around it. I'm still single.

This was a 5 minute writing exercise from the Writers Guild meeting last Thursday.

The Kite Runner

I finished a book called The Kite Runner today. You must read it. It's excruciating at times, yet so beautiful. This is an author that can pull your fears and insecurities to the surface of your mind. I felt so aware of myself and my emotions through the whole book. I was bawling at certain parts and had to put it down in order to collect myself. This book is raw and vivid. It's so perfectly descriptive that you can feel exactly what is going on. Sometimes I would get so worked up by what I read that I had a hard time falling asleep at night. I'm very excited about the movie coming out. If it's anything like the book, it's going to be amazing. Anyone want to borrow it?
I started a new book already. It's called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer. I've only read about 9 pages so far and it already looks very promising. It's a book with some dark humor. Right up my alley. The same author wrote Everything Is Illuminated. I haven't read it, but I've seen the movie and really enjoyed it. I'll let you know how this one is.

The Week In Review

1. I watched Miracle and was reminded of why I love hockey so much. "Do you believe in miracles?!" Why yes, yes I do. I also love the hearing the Boston accent that the BU players have. I do realize that it sounds strange and rather uneducated, but it's home.
2. I purchased a new winter purse. With the weather changing, it was time to put away the adorable canvas tote dotted with summertime tulips. I opted for this simple, classic hobo bag with individual compartments to make finding the cell phone, lip gloss, keys, etc...easier. Well, the organizational efforts of this purse doesn't do a thing in helping me reach my cell phone before it goes to voicemail. I think it's just my personal curse. I will never answer my cell phone in time. So the two call rule still applies. If I don't answer the first time, call again. I'll still be rummaging around my purse.
3. It is warmer outside than in my house. For some reason the heater will not turn on. I did check that panel thingy on my, uhm....furnace? Is that what it's called? Yeah, that thing. I'm not really sure what I was looking for but the landlord said to check. So I checked. Looks normal to me. So then my landlord said he was going to send a maintenance man over to check it out. I left work early on Friday to be here when he arrived. Never showed. I talked to the landlord again and he said that he was going to come over on Saturday morning and see what the problem was. I went to the gym for a few hours and was anticipating coming home to a nice warm house. Nope. No such luck. I don't think he ever came. So I'm sitting here wrapped in my Batman blanket with just my fingers poking out, typing this blog. Some of the effects of having a freezing house are... A) not being able to get out of bed in the morning. The temperature of the air inside of the covers is 800 times more appealing that the temperature outside of the covers. I just lay there thinking about how the bathroom is something like 5 miles away and how I'm going to have to stand there shivering for a couple minutes waiting for the water in the shower to heat up. I am constantly late to work because it's impossible to face the cold. I know it's there waiting for me like a kick in the chucks and I just can't handle it. B) When I have a minute to myself to get things done around my house, nothing gets done because I tell myself that I'm just going to warm up under my covers for 5 minutes and then I'll be ready to be productive. Who am I kidding?! Seriously, I do this to myself almost everyday. And everyday I think that this is the day that I have enough willpower to not stay in bed when the 5 minutes is up. So my dishes are still dirty, my laundry still sits in heaping mounds on the floor, and I'm starting a dust farm. But I have read alot of books. C) The length of my shower has increased significantly. I do understand the importance of conserving water, but I just can't seem to bring myself to get out of the steamy confines of my shower. If I finally get over one obstacle, I will inevitably face another one. One that is larger than the first. But once I'm out of the shower it's all business from there. There is no dinking around my house wondering what I should wear. The first thing in my hand is the item that will drape my body for the rest of the day.
4. I know you all were waiting for me to give you an update on what I've been learning at Absolute MMA. I put it a little farther down on the list to tease you. This week was awesome. For some reason the turnout at the gym was really low. Only about 4 or 5 people were showing up for the workouts. It was great because I got a ton of personal attention. I did Thai Boxing 5 times this week. My kicks are getting better. My high kick is looking alright. I'm having alot of trouble with the slight differences between the rib kick and the kick to the diaphragm. I stopped anchoring my lead foot and have really learned where my balance should be when I'm kicking and getting back into my fight stance. I also had trouble leading with my hips and I'm finally getting that somewhat down. It's amazing how much more power you have when you incorporate all the little things and do it right. I did Jiu Jitsu 4 times this week. I jacked up my arm a little bit on Friday night, so I just watched and learned on Saturday morning. This week we did a progression of moves. It went from you having someone in your guard to mission control, zombie, chill dog, kung fu move, jiu claw, and then the submission move where you can break their arm. But I forgot the name of that one. It sounded foreign and I can't ever remember those ones. I kind of wonder if those names are made up by our gym. They don't seem like names that the Brazilians would have thought up. I also learned a pretty awesome sweep and another arm bar for when your opponent counters your sweep attempt. I can't tell you how sweet this stuff is. I just wish I could do it when I'm rolling with someone. I feel like I'm just spastic and am just trying to counter the other persons attempts to submit me. I can't wait for the day when I can really recognize opportunities to use what I've learned when I'm rolling. It's only been a couple of weeks so I just need to be more patient. My instructor really believes in me, so I'm just going to have to go and get more mat time.
5. I love October! I love the MLB playoffs. I love an exciting series. It's nail-biting when it involves your favorite team, but still awesome. The Red Sox have come from behind to push a game 7 in the ALCS. I'm convinced that the reason they have been winning is because I've been watching the games. I watched last Friday night when they won, and then wasn't able to watch the next 3 games. Mainly because my commitment to my training is intense and I don't own a TV. But I watched game 5 and 6. I didn't get in front of a TV until the bottom on the 1st inning of game 6. It was when the bases were loaded and there were two outs. I saw J.D. Drew get up to the plate and groaned internally. I was cursing his name all during the regular season. He certainly wasn't a clutch player in my book. But I said a prayer in my heart that he would please just get one person in. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving all those men stranded on base. I was channeling my Jedi powers into him and he belted that ball right out of the park! GRAND SLAM!!! All because I was watching the game. And using my Jedi powers.
6. I think I'm finally kicking my Diet Coke habit. I don't feel the desperate need to have that explosion of carbonation down my throat. I only had one can of the sweet nectar this week. Who knew it would be that easy? I amaze myself sometimes.
7. Move over blue shirt! Boss came into work wearing a textured khaki dress shirt and tie this week. So blasted hot! I don't know when it happened, but he has become the most attractive man that I have ever met. Sometimes I want to put him in one of those choke holds I've been learning, but 99% of the time he is just wicked cool. I wish that I knew him better. When we're at work we talk about work stuff. When we're outside of work we talk about our business. I wish we could have time to just talk about nothing. I love the stories he tells me occasionally. It makes my day when he opens up a little. I know he's an incredible person. I don't want to force him to open up, but he won't volunteer information either. I hope someday that changes. It's hard to commit to liking him because I don't know him on a personal level. But then I get scared about not liking him because I'm afraid that I'd be letting this amazing person slip away from me. I can't explain it. I doesn't even make sense to me.
8. I received some interesting bruises this week. One looks like a boxing glove. Fitting. Another looks like the profile of a toilet. I have a kitten, a flip flop, and a summer squash on my left arm. My right arm has a pancake syrup bottle and a star.
9. I've been listening to The Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack this whole week and now want to watch it again. I saw it with my older brother Mark, on Thanksgiving of 2002. We both loved it and immediately went out and bought the soundtrack. I miss Mark. I kind of want to cry thinking about how much I miss him. Christmas can't come soon enough.
10. I'm so excited about the snow! Seeing the mountains tops covered makes me itch to get on my board. Sweet Action needs to see some action! She's been hidden in the basement all summer. Seabiscuit was loaned out last year and hasn't been returned. I need to get him back.
11. I got hit on at Chili's last night. It's amazing how well I can come up with excuses not to give someone my number. And it sounds real, even though I'm lying my guts out. I don't believe in dishonesty, but in these cases I think it's alright. But I thought about how easy it has become to shake a guy. I don't hesitate at all anymore to tell a guy that I'm taken. Oh! The guy last night persisted in asking for my number even though I told him that I was seeing someone! What, did he think I was lying or something?

Ok, I think that's all I got for now. I need to rush over to my brother's house to catch Game 7! Thanks for your time.

Taking It Like A Man!

I think people are starting to wonder about me. I have the best bruises all over my arms and shoulders from Jiu Jitsu. I've been rolling almost everyday. There are distinct handprints all over my upper arms. A guy at work today took me aside and seriously asked me if someone was hurting me. He was genuinely concerned. It was kind of sweet but also kind of weird. He told me that he could take care of whoever it was. All I had to do was give him the name. I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. I hope not. In any case, I think I need to start wearing long sleeves.
I know that my last few posts have been about the whole MMA thing, but I've just been so excited about what I've been learning. I've been learning so much in such a short amount of time. I love knowing that I'm capable of doing alot of the moves. I love going to a place where my height and strength is valued. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman and 6 feet tall. I've always felt that society values the small, slender woman much more than a tall, strong woman. But when I step into that gym those things become an asset. The instructors really teach me how to use what I have and how my height can be a great advantage.
I didn't know this until last week, but Absolute MMA has a fighter that fights in the UFC. His name is Josh Burkman. I guess I didn't understand what a big deal he is until I heard that reporters and such were coming to the gym. He's a huge deal. And he's very talented. And super nice. He's got an ego, but he's pretty careful about where it comes out. I like him. He's really driven to be the best fighter that he can be. I like watching that. He trains very seriously. It motivates me to push myself to myself past the hurt. And it hurts.
I'm really glad that I fell into this. I would've never in a million years predicted that I would be so interested in MMA training. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

More on Building Bombs

OK, I know that you guys are sick of hearing about this the martial arts gym, but it's so incredible! That's all that's been on my mind lately. I feel so awesome. I was there for over three hours today. I've been learning so much. And actually retaining it! I've been trying to go most days. I missed Friday because I pulled a muscle in my leg the day before. My inner thigh was killing! But the pain is worth it. I was practicing Jiu-Jitsu on a pretty large guy. He just wanted me to go for it. I think I hurt myself way more than I hurt him. My main focus was to make sure that I kept him under me the whole time. I was taught some arm bars, a move called the Camorah, defense to your guard, and had alot of practice trying to get out from underneath someone. It was unreal. The Thai Boxing is also going very well. I'm improving everyday. I feel stronger and quicker in my movements. I'm having a hard time kicking correctly. I'm too heavy on my feet and can't get the pivot right. I anchor my foot too much. It's really frustrating me. I think MMA is a seriously misunderstood sport. There is so much skill and dedication involved in being as good these serious fighters get. I see the the big time fighters in the gym everyday. They get there before I do and leave only when the gym closes. The other thing that impresses me about these guys is that even though they don't look like the kind of people that you'd normally see me buddies with, they're so respectful and kind. They are encouraging and really want to help me improve. They don't mind pairing up with me. They know that I try my absolute hardest and am very focused. They respect that. They want to see me reach my goals. Knowing that helps me work harder. I'm just wondering if my body will ever feel normal again. I'm constantly sore! I have bruises everywhere. I have major mat burn on my knees that don't seem to heal. I keep having to remind myself that it's all for the cause. Six pack by Christmas!

Building Some Bombs

I feel wrecked. This MMA gym is kicking my *#@! But it's nice to know that I have some power behind these seemingly weak arms. I'm pretty sure that I look a lot like a tyrannosaurus rex. I have a strong lower body and tiny little weakling arms. But in the time that I've been doing this, my deltoids and biceps are looking pretty sweet. Well, maybe not sweet, but better. I've got alot of work to do to get where I want to be. But the great part is that I've already lost 6 lbs since I've started! By Christmas I want to look my best ever. Totally hard. I can do this! I'm extremely determined. My goal is to run in the mornings and then train at the MMA gym at night. I've been exceptionally tired and sore lately and therefore a little irritable. Sorry guys. I'll work on that.

On another note, I might have to start thinking about getting a tattoo. All the guys at the gym have tattoos. And it's not just one, it's like a MILLION! All up their arms, and across their chest. On their shoulder blades and calves. It's crazy. There were two girls there tonight and even they had tattoos. Maybe not as many, but still a copious amount. I think that I'm the only tat free person there. And the funniest part is that they aren't even cool or hardcore tattoos. One guy had a big crow on his back. A crow? So I've been totally thinking about what kind of tattoo I should get. I saw a movie once where these two brothers had "truth" and "justice" written in Latin across their their trigger fingers. Maybe I could get that on my forearms so that my opponent can read it as my fists are coming at their face. Wow, that sentence was brutal. I'm getting all aggressive just writing this. Anyway, if you have any ideas, let me know. Maybe I'll consider it.