20 December 2009

Online Dating Disaster!

No matter how many people urge you to try online dating, don't do it! It's where all the creeper men go to prey on lovely women who sign up so as to give an honest effort in finding someone outside their social circle at the intense encouragement of their mother. Argh! I was signed up for two months on a $16.99 special and it just might be a bigger waste of money than that time I spent the same amount on a DVD of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (absolutely painful to watch).

I signed up on a LDS dating site hoping to develop friendship/relationship with normal men that have a firm commitment to the gospel and the covenants that they've made. I'm pretty sure that those kind are already settled and married, or not online. I'm a relatively attractive, educated, extremely playful, and worthy woman and I got an overwhelming response from men 50+ years old, total nerds and creepers. I repeatedly told myself that I need to keep an open mind and explore all options. The first man that IM'd me was a skinny white dude who was wearing a wife beater and a gold chain in his profile picture. Even though I wanted to block him right away according to what he was wearing and that smug cocky smile on his face, I decided that I would give him a chance and see what he was all about. This was our conversation:

Stupid Creeper (SC): Your way hotttt! (He was an atrocious speller and I HATE when people use the wrong form of your and you're. This was already a deal breaker. And the multiple TTT's made me roll my eyes and let out an unamused sigh.)
Me: Thank you! I'm flattered. (I wasn't really because I'm positive that he opens up with that line to every woman with a somewhat attractive profile picture.)
SC: Do you workout?
Me: Yeah, very frequently. I'm addicted to Brazilian Jujitsu and train regularly.
SC: Kewl. (Please don't ask me why I didn't end the conversation right there, because I really don't have an answer for you.)
Me: What are your hobbies?
SC: Didn't you read my profile?
Me: No, you're the one that IM'd me.
SC: But I thought that you would have checked me out since I am the hottest guy on here. (Again, I have no idea why I didn't log off immediately.)
Me: You checked out your competition?
SC: Ya.
Me: That's weird.
SC: Just kidding! I don't really do that. (He most likely does.)
Me: Well, it was nice chatting with you (total lie) but I've got to go to bed now.
SC: What???!!!! We just got started. I didn't even ask the important question yet!
Me: Sorry but it's getting late.
SC: Well can I just be forward with you for a second?
Me: Alright, as long as its not creepy. (I didn't really have my hopes up for that request. I just knew that it was going to be creepy.)
SC: LOL! It's not.
Me: Okay, go for it. (Regrettable go-ahead)
SC: What does the booty look like?
Me: Are you asking if I'm fat?
SC: Are you?
Me: You shouldn't have prefaced that with "Can I be forward with you for a second," you should have prefaced it with "Can I be a jackass for a second." (I was going to log off right then but I was curious to see where this was headed.)
Me: That wasn't meant to be funny.
SC: I think you got the wrong idea about me.
Me: No, I think shallow ass hat is pretty accurate.
SC: So you are fat.
Me: Actually my body has been compared to Giselle Bundchen's. (Total lie - I definitely have some extra pounds on me - but I couldn't give him the satisfaction.)
SC: SWEET! I knew it! When can we meet? (Guys like this truly exist!!! I am witness!)
Me: That depends...what's your income potential over the next 5 years?
SC: I'm unemployed at the moment.
Me: Sucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I then logged off and blocked him. That was probably the worst IM that I had but others have come close! A man old enough to be my father emailed me and wrote, "Why would a beautiful woman hide 40% of her face?" I didn't know if he was trying to tell me a joke or commenting on my profile picture so I responded with, "What in the world are you talking about? Or, if this is a joke that you're telling, why would a woman do that?" He emailed me back with this, "Wondering why a beautiful woman Hides 40% of her Face ...with Hair ? And 30% of that is your Forehead. It just puzzles me is all since any man Greatly luvs a woman's Face over her Covering Hair. Yes, as a man of nearly 50 years..I have been exposed to 'Just A Few' Women in my days AND spoken with MORE than 'Just A Few' Men about their Female Tastes. And having that much Covering Hair takes away from Beauty." This was copied and pasted directly from the email. What a MORON! Covering hair? I can only assume that he means my bangs - which are totally darling! And does he think that nouns are supposed to be capitalized? Horrible grammar. Absolutely horrible! And I admit that mine isn't perfect, but I there's a certain level that my tolerance doesn't dip below and that email was one of them.

I did start regularly emailing a man that lives up in Alberta, Canada who is a hockey player and a welder. He was the most promising guy but I lost interest after he told me that he never wants his future wife to have kids because then she'll be fat. I have since deleted my profile and am going back to traditional dating.

I recently had one of the best dates of my life. He was incredibly handsome, gentlemanly and charming. We were laughing our guts off most of the night but we talked a little about why we're in our thirties and still single. We were sharing insecurities and being totally honest with each other about our feelings. It was one of the most refreshing conversations that I've had in a while. I shared that one of the reasons that I believe that I'm not settled in a relationship is that I feel that I don't deserve to be loved. I don't truly love myself. And in my brain I know that notion is completely false and that I have very desirable qualities that belong in a loving relationship. I know that I naturally possess some incredible traits that would truly nurture a companionship. But I self-sabotage myself everytime I get remotely close to forming a romantic attachment. I also went for a man that I knew from the very beginning nothing would ever happen because him not wanting me reinforced the fact that I was unlovable. Yeah, totally masochistic. When does what your mind tells you filter down to your heart and you start acting with confidence and let love happen? Alternately, my date told me that his problem is that he doesn't think that he's capable of loving the way that you should love someone in a marriage/relationship. He said that he always had this vision of being totally swept off his feet and suddenly everything will fall into place and he'll start loving this woman and do all the things that you're supposed to do to let a woman know that you'd do anything to make the relationship work. But because he hasn't experienced that, he's still single. But he thinks he's wrong about that because he said that if were to die tomorrow and had to stand before his maker and account for the reason that he's 30 and not married he doesn't think that his excuses would fly. He said that he's gone out with stunningly beautiful, smart, worthy women and for some reason he just doesn't pursue the relationship. He admitted that he's sure that he could've been happy with many of them but because he wasn't instantly smitten he didn't go for it and admitted that it's a fault. We also both agreed that we totally LOVE being single and that life is far easier as a single person than as a married person, and if marriage weren't a commandment we'd probably remain single forever (selfish, I know). Physical intimacy is also another selling point for us LDS folks.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though! I have specific goals for myself and trust that with some hard work my issues can be resolved, because they are not something that I want to take into a relationship. I've witnessed the destruction that personal insecurities such as the ones I have can create. I've also remained faithful to my God and because of that I know that everything will work out for the best. I've never been let down before.