Could You Maybe Have Chosen A Gentler Way To Tell Me That I Suck

Have you ever been playing Rock Band when a bird suddenly flew in the house and crapped on the drum set? Funniest. Thing. Ever.

I think it was trying to tell me something about my drumming. Jerk.

According To My Calculations

Pizza + Chocolate Covered Pretzels + Pride and Prejudice + Mr. McHotStuff = "This has got to be freaking dream. Please no one ever wake me up."

(ed note: He made me watch The Hangover so I countered with Pride and Prejudice)

BLUE

I received my blue belt advancement in Jujitsu yesterday! I'm so incredibly proud of this. It took alot of time with very patient instructors and grappling partners. It just feels like I really accomplished something. The crazy thing is that I'm still in the very beginning stages of my Jujitsu knowledge. There's still purple and brown belts to aspire to until you can receive your black belt. The black belts that I have the privilege to know are capable of some major ass-kickery. I want to get there very, VERY badly. More mat time and an awesome Professor to teach me will definitely get me there.

We Have Come A Long Way

It's incredible that we can go from this...

To this...

Wiping some dust off of an old classic. I can't remember the last time that I've been this excited for a movie to come out. Oh man, it looks SO GOOD! And in order to celebrate its release I'm going to use the phrase, "Release the Kracken" or mention a Kracken in a conversation daily.

I wonder what the cinema will have in store for us in another 30 years. Interactive movies perhaps? Oh boy, I would pay obscene amounts of money to go to an interactive movie where I could touch Ryan Reynolds' chiseled chest. Just kidding, I wouldn't. Fine, I totally would.

Too Tired to Think of a Clever Title for This Randomness

Diet 7-Up gives me the hugest burps. I'm talking ginormous man burps that have good tone. I drank one with lunch today and let out a world record belch as soon as I got back up to the lab. One of the guys in the next lab over poked his head into my room a few seconds later and just started uncontrollably laughing when he saw that I was the only person in there and therefore was the source of the burp that left the room reverberating. I work with 6 other men in that lab and he was expecting to harass one of them, but no, it happened to come from the only female that works in that lab. I'm not sure if I should feel proud of it, but I kind of do. Heh heh.

One of my co-workers just came back from a 3 week vacation in Peru. He brought me back an Incan ceremonial sacrificial knife. My thoughts turned to what would be on the receiving end of my awesome acquirement. I decided that it's going to be a carrot.

When I was on vacation in Huntington Beach last October I purchased an awesome cover-up cardigan at a local surf shop. It hangs open and has long sleeves and the length hits a few inches above the knee. I was wearing it today at work and as I was walking towards one of the doors to exit the building someone opened it and the wind made my shirt billow out behind me. I suddenly felt as if I was in the Matrix and was hiding heavy artillery under my shirt and felt the urge to reach behind me and pull out one of my pretend Micro Uzi's out of its holster. Or, I was in a Western and wanted to unleash my sawed-off shotguns to defend my family and our land. Later did I learn that these type of coats are called dusters. Do you ever fantasize about this stuff?

I had a great night at Absolute. We were working on choking someone from guard and fine tuning our triangle submission. I had the pleasure of drilling and rolling with Pedro, one of our gym's black belts. It was nice to finally be healthy and be back on the mats. We worked so hard and I was so exhausted that I forgot to stop at the store to pick up a few items that I needed to make dinner tonight. I remembered right when I parked in the driveway. I was having an internal battle on whether to go to the store so I could eat healthy, or settle for a frozen dinner and an immediate shower and bed. The shower and bed option tipped the scale. As I approached my front door, I saw a huge bag lying there with my name on it. Karen, a good friend in my ward, left a wonderful dinner for me as a surprise. She made some delicious beef stew, salad and cornbread. My little heart was about to burst! I felt so loved! I have some of the most thoughtful and considerate friends. I get emails almost every day from friends and family who are checking up on me and telling me how much they love me and pray for me. I was amazed at how generous people were when I was sick with pneumonia, bronchitis and the ear infections. Mr. McHotStuff was bringing over juice and movies almost every other day. My dear friend from Absolute, Chelsea, brought over books, Cheetos and Diet Coke. My neighbor, Michelle, checked on me everyday and made sure I was completely comfortable. Sometimes I feel like the most loved and doted upon person on the planet. I really need to keep that in the front of my mind because often the insecurities will creep in and tell me that I'm all alone and no one cares. But that is absolutely false. I have a support system made of adamantium. Life is good.

My Best Pal

I had a feeling that you needed to see this adorable face today. My niece lights up my life. I love that she calls me her best pal. "We're best pals, right Nessy?" And I love that she calls me Nessy.

We went sledding on New Years Day together, and I was so proud of her adventurous spirit. We went to the steep hill at Sugarhouse Park and Mark sent her down by herself on the sled. She hit a bump and went flying out of the sled at top speed. She hit the ground on her stomach and rolled a bit until she came to a stop. Mark and I were at the top of the hill doubled over with laughter, because there is nothing funnier than seeing a little kid eat it. You know it's true! She ran up the hill and wanted to sled all by herself for the rest of the day. Such a champ.

While on the subject of our sledding outing, I must mention that Mark and I got into a snowball fight that ended up with me taking him down from a body lock, maintaining side control until I could get in the mount, and then stuffed his face with major amounts of snow. It was a sort of snowball ground and pound, and it was awesome. Jiu Jitsu is useful in many situations. My big brother will never dominate me in any sort of tussle again! How you like them apples!

Happiness Can Be Found, Even When You Are 31 and Have A Bottom the Size of Two Bowling Balls

I am so in love with the Bridget Jones’s Diary movies, because she is me and I am her. We are one and the same. I adore Bridget in every way. I don’t judge her when she makes horrible and undisciplined decisions regarding men. And I understand when her goal of losing 20 pounds is thwarted because she ate the entire contents of her refrigerator after she got dumped. And I totally get her when she’s sitting at home alone on New Years, drinking wine and singing along to All By Myself by Celine Dion. I was thinking of Bridget while I was sitting at home alone on Christmas Eve eating frozen squash raviolis and watching Slapshot. I had grand plans for a fun filled night, starting with a handsome date and then heading to a friend's house for a party. But Mr. McHotStuff had to cancel due to some family flying in for a Christmas surprise and the party being canceled because the hostess went into labor 6 weeks early. So the next day I'm supposed to head up to Snowbird with some friends to take advantage of the mountain being totally deserted, but they bailed on me too. I decide to fly a solo mission and am having a great time exploring the mountain when I end up on the ski lift with this woman who, after some chit chat, starts sobbing and telling me how her husband just left her, and her two teenaged children decided that they wanted to live with him and how lonely she is now. She was so lovely and my heart ached for her as I hugged her while she cried up there on the chairlift. Then she looked up at me and asked why I, being such a beautiful and sweet girl, was up on the mountain all by herself. My ocular cavities started to leak and we turned into this pathetic sight – two strangers, hugging each other and crying on the chairlift on Christmas morning. We took a few runs together (she was one of the most incredible skiers that I have ever seen!) and then exchanged phone numbers and promised to call whenever we need a skiing buddy or a hug. It was tender. I then went home and watched Bridget Jones’s Diary for the billionth time that week. I find great comfort in Bridget’s story. My heart soars when Bridget ends up with Mark Darcy, a gorgeous and successful human rights lawyer that likes her just the way that she is. He actually says, “I like you. Very much. Just the way you are.” And when her friends find out what Mark said to her, they ask, “Not thinner? Or cleverer? With slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose?” Nope, he likes her just as she is. And I think that’s what I yearn for. Embarrassing and awkward things happen to me quite regularly, and even though I try to appear socially with-it, I’ve always felt like one of the weird kids. And I’m waiting for the person that actually loves that about me.

Bridget finally gets her marriage proposal and her parting words at the end of the second movie are, “Happiness can be found, even if you are 33 and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.” Amen, Bridget.