22 September 2007

How Did I Get Here?

There's been alot on my my mind the past week or so. I guess I've been wondering how I got so far away. Far away from what I know is right and how my commitment to those things has changed. I remember being someone that would serve no matter how inconvenient it was. I remember waking up early and reading the scriptures because I wanted to think about what I had learned all day. Back then prayer seemed very natural. I was excited about building a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. I was always at church activities and really made it a priority to do the best I could in the callings I was given. I remember being very happy.

Things have changed quite a bit and I'm having a hard time pin-pointing how it happened. I guess I just became lazy in one thing. That thing became another, and then none of it seemed as important and didn't hold the same value that it once did. Some things in my life didn't go exactly as I hoped they would and I suffered some heartache. I'm sure that I placed the blame and anger on God rather than looking at the situations and experiences as something that would make me stronger in the end.

The sad part is that I realize things need to change in my life but making those steps is so hard. Why did it seem so easy previously? It was just naturally part of my life. Now, intense effort is needed and I'm not getting the same results. I'll be honest, sometimes it gets really unmotivating to continue to make progress. My head tells me that the end result is not worth the effort to get there. But I know it is. It's got to be.

Bottom line is that I love the gospel. I know what's good, and right, and true. Bottom line is that I won't turn my back on that, and that's why the fight to get happy again is on. Watch me.

1 comment:

Shann said...

I'm right there with you! Thanks for your motivating thoughts and most of all, your determination. I truly look up to you Vanessa!