28 March 2008

I Hate Forwards!

I got the following email from someone at work today. It seems like the type of email that you would get if you were 14 and would forward to the boy you liked in a moment of insanity, and then check your email 1000 times a day in hope that he would've responded. But this was sent to me by a 40 year old Latin woman. Awesome. I couldn't respond seriously to these questions. But I'm not sure if she thought it was funny or not. She might have taken offense at my attempt at humoring her. She never responded.

You're on my friends list. I'd like to know things about you. You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends. Fill in the answers & forward to all of your friends, including me. Have fun!

1. Do you have a tattoo? Yes. It's of Olando Bloom-naked!

2. How old are you? Mentally or physically? These questions need to be more specific. I have the mental competence and wisdom of a 48 year old, but look like I'm 21.

3. Are you single or taken? That depends on Mark Walberg. If he will leave his girlfriend and finally be mine, I'm taken. All other men are way beneath me.

4. Eat with your hands or utensils? Hands. For sure. I like to pretend that I live in the dark ages.

5. Do you dream at night? A man that specializes in skin diseases has a dream that he falls asleep in front of the TV. He then wakes up in fron of the TV, but no longer remembers his dream. That's what I dream about.

6. Ever seen a corpse? Uhm...I've eaten a corpse!

7. George Strait or Jay Z? I'd rather eat sheep testicles than choose.

8. How did we meet? At the strip bar. You are an amazing dancer. Wait...I might be confusing you with someone else. Did we meet on MySpace?


9. Whats your philosophy on life & death? If you don't die today, there's always tomorrow.

10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be? Is this supposed to be scandalous? If so, I'd have to say that I would want to rob a bank at gunpoint and then go home and have a pillow fight that evolves into a tickle fight.

11. Do you trust the police? No. I have this bad habit of believing that everything that happens in the movies is reality and every organization is corrupt.

12. Do you have a crush on me? Ohhh yeeeaaah! I thought you'd never ask!

13. What is your fondest memory of me? That time we met the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in that sewer and Donatello gave us bow staff lessons. Yeah, that was awesome.

14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? It's pretty tough being completely irresistable all the time. Sometimes I wish I were just a little less gorgeous and charming.

15. Would you cheat? At Battleship? Sure! Who doesn't?

16. What do you wear to sleep? A Scooby-Doo costume.

17. Have you ever peed in a pool? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?

18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? Not if I'm too busy hiding my own evidence.

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? Probably sit around my house for a while and watch Sports Center. Maybe get a bite to eat at Wendy's...

20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair? On men? Medium. I like it when a guy goes too long between haircuts and it starts getting long in the back, kinda growing into the beginnings of a mullet or a tail. You know...like Ben's hair right before he gets it cut.

21. Do you sing in the shower? Only Celine Dion songs.

22. What's your favorite color? A cross between pee-yellow and puke-green.

23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, it would be? Sadam Hussein. Just so I could be the one to kick his ass and send him back to his grave.

24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you. I like eating asparagus for the sole reason of the way your pee smells the day after.

25. What was your first impression of me? You shook my hand with gloves on. I was a little grossed out because I didn't know what those gloves were previously touching. I was like..."Who does that!?" Just kidding Hilda! I've always adored you. Especially because you're Latin!

26. Have you ever done drugs? Yeah...I used to lick toads and get high on the toxin that they supposedly secreted as a protection mechanism. It was a total trip.


Shann said...

Whoa! You've been busy this month...this is like your tenth post. Way to go! I loved this one, you are side-splitting clever. I learned so much about you in so little time! Thanks.

The Picketts said...

Holy Cow - that brings back SOO many memories! HA HA - ok, maybe not but I busted my gut laughing so hard. Too funny Alex - too funny! Miss you!

mikemetcalf said...

ROFLcopter! "At battleship?" hahaha. This is one of your best posts ever. Props.

Natalie said...

Can we go out?

Depends on Mark Walberg.