19 May 2008

And That's How It's Done

Oh blessed day. You know that hymn, The Morning Breaks?

The morning breaks, the shadows flee.
The dawning of a brighter day.
The dawning of a brighter day.
Majestic rises on the world.

I've been humming that to myself all morning. Why, you ask? Let me start from 4:30am. Actually, let me just tell you right away because I can't contain my excitement: THE IDIOT ROOSTER IS GONE! Yeah, that's right, I make things happen around here.

Ok, at 4:30am the rooster wakes me up and my eyes instantly turn red with anger. I was out super late last night because I took the day off today and was hoping to sleep in. I was getting belligerent. The animosity I have built up for this rooster suddenly bubbled to the top and I snapped. I went to the front door and looked out and actually saw the damned thing strutting across the neighbors yard yelling it's head off. I really had to stop myself and rationally think this through. The exact location of the rooster was now known. I hopped on the internet, found the number for the police and called the dispatcher. I can make friends pretty easily and chatted it up with the lady on the phone for a bit. She said that it wasn't a silly complaint and that the police were there to dispose of public nuisances. She agreed with me that it was indeed a public nuisance. She even admired my restraint for not going over there and snapping its neck. The officer that took the complaint then called me to follow up and we had a few good chuckles about the situation. He said that animal control had been called and would make sure that the rooster was out of there this week. The morning breaks. The dawning of a brighter day.

"What's that, Mr. Rooster? You're going to cockle-doodle-doo your brains out for the rest of the morning? It's cool. I'm just going think of you as I eat my chicken dinner tonight and lick my greasy fingers in satisfaction! You damn rooster. Don't mess with the best, yo."


The Picketts said...

YAY!!!!! Although, I keep seeing little midgets singing "Ding Dong the rooster's dead" (you know, like in the Wizard of Oz?)...but I have a sick sick mind! May the days ahead of you be blessed with the ability to sleep past 4:30 (with NO Rooster-Remorse!) Ha ha! Love ya tons!

Natalie said...

So I guess you don't need the paintball gun that I dusted off and threw in the trunk for you? I even found a rooster-sized body bag hiding inside the Hefty box.

Good work my dear VTS. And rot in animal control hell, dear rooster. May they euthanize you quickly.

lydia said...

Three cheers!

Nice work. That rooster got what was coming.

Happy sleeping.

mikemetcalf said...

Well done, good show! Although secretly I was hoping this would be a post recounting the details of your assassination. In fact, it would really do my heart well if you wrote one anyway. It has so much potential! Perhaps you can find a way to include a javelin and/or fire?

Adamzes said...

Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye you ugly rooster. Hey there Hot and Sexy Alexander face! You are still as hilarious as ever. I've had that silly picture frame we made in Normal floating around my place forever and I think it's time to part with it. I know that's random but it inspired me to check your blog again. Such great memories. So did you call motorcycle mystery man? I'm dying to know the end of the soap opera!!