26 May 2008

The Truth Is, I Am Iron Man.

Here is yet another informative post on some wicked random things that took place or things that I thought of over the last few days.

1) First off, my chest was hurting all last week. Particularly the left side of my chest. My thoughts suddenly turned to all the symptoms associated with a heart attack. I couldn't actually recall any, but I knew there must be some symptoms besides the left side of your chest hurting. Then I remembered that we recently were working on foot jabs at Absolute. These foot jabs are typically aimed at the abdomen or solar plexus. The man I was paired up with practiced his foot jab consistently on my left breast. I remember thinking, "If he foot jabs me in the chest one more time, I am going to foot jab him right in the chucks."

2) The genius of my 10 year old friend, Hannah.

The "colored" butt with the white panties is Serena Williams. She's one huge plastic doll! Hannah will let you come over and play, if you ever feel so inclined.

More of Hannah's genius:

I know what you're thinking, but I'm telling you that I DID NOT instigate this. I might've encouraged it a little with my uncontrolled laughter and picture taking, but I did not direct it.

A face behind the genius:

3) My police evasion technique is unmatched. The registration on the Volvo expired last month, and I still have not taken care of it. I'm pushing my luck by driving past the police station on my way to work every morning. But I am on high alert and have been pulling (rather recklessly) into random parking lots and side streets as soon as I see a cop car approaching behind me. Last Friday, I pulled into the left lane to make a left turn and looked into my rearview mirror to see a cruiser in the distance. Then, I see his left turn signal switch on. Crap! I'm totally busted if he pulls up behind me. I was panicked. Heavy breathing. Sweat on the brow. I was already thinking of ways I could talk myself out of this. I am pretty persuasive when I combine my charm with some eyelash batting. He was 25 feet behind me when the light suddenly turned green. I stepped on that gas so hard, made the turn, and pulled into empty Mexican restaurant parking lot and regained composure. That was too close for comfort.

4) I finally saw Iron Man. Best movie EVER! I'm not satisfied with my Jedi and Batman pillowcases anymore. I've got to get myself some Iron Man merchandise. I now want to be a brilliant, womanizing, boozing, mathematician and weapons engineer. Don't underestimate my ambition. I've got to see that movie again. If anyone needs a pal to go and see this, count me in.

5) I went kite flying on Saturday afternoon in Sugarhouse park. One of the kites was a B-52 bomber. A few military helicopters flew by and I was worried that they thought the B-52 was a threat. I mean, that kite was flying high. I could see how they might make that slight mistake. As a side note, I have to tell you how hot the sound of military aircraft is. Air shows totally do it for me. I just can't get enough.

6) No I have not called hot random motorcycle man (Troy)...yet. I've got a few other men on my plate right now that I'm sorting through. A plate that does not include Jerky McJerkington, formerly known as Hot New Work Boy. So I found out that he has a girlfriend/is engaged. We had lunch on Thursday together and I found out Friday morning using stealth tactics. I don't really care because I actually was starting to become rather disenchanted by him. I was initially attracted to his aggressive flirtation, but that doesn't carry too far in the long run. I feel bad for him because I'm sure that his massive flirtation is going to come around and bite him in the butt sometime soon. Especially if he is doing it in the workplace. (Editors note: I retract this paragraph as of 27 May 2008, due to misinformation regarding Mr. McJerkington. He will also no longer retain the name McJerkington. He is not engaged and is not in a relationship. I must remember that hearsay is not a valid source of information. If I do refer to him in any future blog entries, he will be known as The Science Policeman. Let me explain why that's funny. He's a quality auditor. So he polices our work. Get it? Science Policeman. It's funny. Trust me.)

7) This was the cherry on top of the week. I was surfing the web to see when some other local fights are taking place and found this little gem on the Throwdown website. They have a few local gym team pictures up, and Ben's team was one of them. For directional purposes, I circled him in orange.

I still can't contain my laughter. This is why he needs me as his pal. Who else would truly appreciate him looking like a dirty old man with a mullet? No one, that's who. This picture doesn't even remotely look like him. At all! I could safely say that this might be the worst picture taken of him in the whole history of his existence. Unless, of course, there is the classic picture of him in 1986 as a pre-teen in braces with horrible acne, wearing an Ocean Pacific T-shirt and sporting the mullet. Which, of course, I would pay massive amounts of money to see.
I do love that there is a girl on their team. She looks all hardcore. I'm totally going to be like that.

And then there's the coolest team ever! Such a good looking and talented group!

(pictures taken from Throwdown website)
So that's a wrap up of this weekend. Peace and tranquility to you all.


blf said...

Ha ha ha! I can't stop laughing! That picture of Ben is fantastic! Are those ear shadows giving him the mullet look?

Also, I have had Iron Man on my to do list for weeks now. You wanna come with me?

Vanessa said...

No, he really has a mullet now.
Kidding! He's still a very handsome man.

And thanks for the invite! I wish you didn't live so far away! Someday we'll see each other again. I'm sure of it.

Natalie said...

I feel like mullet's new nickname should be something awful like beefmeister or ... or ... no, Beefmeister it is.