03 May 2008

Now Hiring

I'm ornery today. You want to know why? Because I have a damn rooster waking me up at 4:30 in the morning. Every morning! When you're out past 2am, and you wake up to a rooster call two hours later, you instantly turn into an insane person. You get so angry and worked up that you can't go back to sleep. So you're left lying there with your angry thoughts dwelling on strategy for disposing of a rooster without suspicion of foul play.

Who thinks that it is a good idea to have a rooster in a residential neighborhood? A sadistic person, that's who. I mean, I can understand wanting to have a few chickens for fresh homegrown eggs but, correct me if I'm wrong, you don't need a rooster to get an edible egg!

Now I'm not a big proponent of killing animals, but this rooster has got to go. I'm thinking the easiest solution is an "accidental" shooting. But if that isn't an option (silencer availability), then I would settle for kidnapping said rooster and setting it free in the wild where it can live in its natural habitat for a long and fulfilling life. Or a combination of both options--kidnapping rooster, letting rooster go, and then shooting it. Or hire a falconer. Hawks eat roosters all the time, right?

If any of you have "resources" or interest in participation, please let me know. No names need be mentioned.


lydia said...

I don't know if you thought of this, but if you live in a very residential area, it's most likely illegal to have undomesticated animals. Your problem might be solved as simply as calling the cops. Worth checking out, anyway.

Oh, and Mike is for sure not going to do the marathon, so you still think you might be up for it? I don't have your number....I get it from Nat or Shan tomorrow. It's in two weeks from yesterday, so there's not much time left to train. No worries if you can't but it would be fun if you can.

Vanessa said...

Thanks for the advice, Lydia. But really, what fun is that very logical and appropriate suggestion?


This post was completely in jest. Yes, there is a effing rooster waking me up every morning. No, I'm not going to shoot it.
I felt I needed to clarify in case there are any PETA lurkers checking in on my blog.

Oh, and yes Lydia, I'm pretending that I'm in marathon shape and saying yes to your invitation to take Mike's spot in the marathon. This truly is going to be a test of mind over matter. Let's do this thing!

Natalie said...

I have people who have access to paintball guns and pellet guns. No death or permanent harm involved, but you might just feel better if the rooster is flourescent yellow. I would.